1. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Yours is just stupid.
2. You have ONE advantage over me... You can kiss my ass and I can't!
3. When a smurf is choking what color does it turn?
4. When life gives you lemons, make grape juice and leave the world wondering how.
5. Boys are like lava lamps. They's nice to look at but they're not very bright.
6. A good friend comforts you when he rejects you, but a best friend confronts him and says, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
7. I used to be normal until I met those freaks I call my friends.
8. I'm multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time!
9. Until I was about 13 I thought my name was 'Shut Up.'
10. The worst time to have a heart attack is probably during a game of charades...
11. Life's all about common sense. Unfortunately common sense isn't all that common.
12. I'm as frustrated with society as a pyromaniac in a petrified forest.
13. You're just jealous 'cause the little voices are talking to me and not you.
14. It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em off!
15. My vacuum really sucks... Is that good or bad?
16. Politics is made up of 2 words: poli (many) and tics (bloodsucking parasites).
17. If 2 wrongs don't make a right, how do 2 negatives make a positive?
18. Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried nailing Jell-o to tree.
19. If con is the opposite of pro, what's the opposite of progress?
20. If you try to fail but succeed, have you succeeded or have you failed?
21. Don't follow in my footsteps. I run into walls.
22. Good friends ask why you're crying. Best friends already have a shovel ready to burry the loser who made you cry.
23. She's my best friend. Break her heart, I break your face.
24. Best friends: They know how stupid you are but still choose to be seen with you in public.
25. I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.
26. I'm not prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
27. My best friends are the kind of people who spend hours trying to drown a fish... but I still love 'em.
28. Drink Coffee! Do stupid things faster and with more energy!
29. I have ADD and magic markers. You should be afraid... very afraid.
30. Some people are only alive because it's illegal to shoot them.
31. God must really love stupid people; He made so many of them.
32. My anger management class pisses me off.
33. I couldn't repair you brakes so I made your horn louder.
34. Work for God... The retirement benefits are great!
35. Better for poeple to THINK you're stupid than to open your mouth and prove that you are.
(на работе порадовали)
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